Question: Sometimes, people look into a proposed shidduch and get back to the shadchan saying, “I will not pursue this now, but I am not saying no. Perhaps in a few months from now…” Is this an appropriate way to turn down a shidduch or is this insulting? Is it better just to say no, and then, if you reconsider...Read More

Question:  My son was redd a girl who, like him, wants to start married life in kollel. How long my son will learn, I don’t know. Neither does he. But it is something he wants to do.  Our research revealed that while the girl wants a boy who will be learning for some time – even an extended...Read More

Question: I am a 22-year-old bochur and I just came home from Eretz Yisroel. I want to bike around and my mother absolutely refuses. She says that I won’t get a shidduch if I ride my bike. Who is right? Answer: As it appears to me, this is not so much a matter of right or wrong as it...Read More

Question: In the past, some of the panelists have discussed whether a second date should be a given. Some are of the opinion that there should always be a second date. My daughter has been dating for several years already. She’s gone out quite a bit. When she goes out with a young man for the...Read More

Question: In helping young men and young ladies navigate the parsha of shidduchim, I often see that while they have a pretty good idea of where they’re heading in life, they really have no idea what they’re looking for in a shidduch. Instead of talking and thinking “up-in-the-air,” I advise that they get into the shidduch scene, meet shadchanim, and just begin...Read More

Question: As the rov of a shul comprised of younger families, I have only begun to experience certain uncomfortable situations relating to fielding shidduch inquiries regarding members of our kehila. But while answering questions that seem to be just a portion of more comprehensive “investigations” presents its own challenges, what I am writing to you, Shidduch Forum panelists, about today is what you, based...Read More

Question: As parents, what should we ask our son after a date? How much information do we have to know?  We wish to note that it seems that as a result of fatigue, his mood after a date doesn’t necessarily reflect his feelings of the date itself. Your insight is appreciated. Answer: While the subject...Read More

To The Esteemed Shidduch Forum Panelists: Many of us have had some long dating sagas. It seems that the common factor in many of them was that there was something bothering either the girl or the boy since the beginning, but no one, not the girl nor the boy, wants to let a good shot...Read More

The Initial Reaction “Good evening, I’m calling regarding a shidduch. Do you have a few minutes to talk?” “My daughter was just redt (suggested to go out with) to so-and-so, what do you think of the idea?” “I was just redt to so-and-so, should I go out with her?” Once a shidduch is redt –...Read More

Tactics for Preparing References & Fielding Shidduch Calls In Part I of this series, we primarily discussed how crucial it is to be sure that when one is presented with a shidduch idea for feedback one’s response is substantive and thoughtful, and never purely reactionary. We concluded by noting that the most proper way to...Read More