Question: As the opening of the freezer approaches, we sat down our son during his recent Shabbos at home for a little shmooze to determine what exactly he is looking for. As we sat in his bedroom, it was clear that he wished to be anywhere but sitting there with my husband and me. He...Read More

Question: I am the mother of a boy in shidduchim. We are looking into a shidduch and we asked the shadchan to find out what the other side’s plan is regarding support. Their reply was, “Our daughter is not being sold,” and they will only discuss money matters once the shidduch is really serious. What...Read More

Question: As a bochur in shidduchim, I have the following problem, which I’m hoping can be resolved by the esteemed panelists. Boruch Hashem, I was gifted with a good brain; I am what they call a “baal kishron” – or so I’m told. During conversations on dates, I often find certain topics that have some...Read More

Question: Hi. I’m the “shallow thinker” from two weeks ago. I read all the responses to my question, and I’m wondering if the real answer is rooted in a different problem in the shidduch system. Dehaynu: It is well-known that girls dump boys a lot more than boys dump girls, at least according to the...Read More

Question: My son has been going out, and after each of the first three dates, the mother of the girl has been calling up the same three friends and grilling them, asking them questions about my son that we had thought were settled already. What’s this mother’s line of thinking? How can my son proceed...Read More

Question: As a bochur in shidduchim, I have the following question about something that has frustrated me. For the average boy and girl from basic yeshiva backgrounds, there are certain “serious” issues that are generally reserved for discussion from date 4 and on. The reason that these issues aren’t discussed early on, I assume, is...Read More

Question: My son will begin shidduchim soon, having returned from learning in Eretz Yisroel this past Sukkos. My son has many maalos and we’ve been fortunate to be redd many shidduchim. I have a stack of résumés on my kitchen table. I am not saying this to boast. I am mentioning it because, as strange...Read More

Question: When redding a shidduch, it is my preference to speak directly with each single as the shidduch moves along. Of course, I am always happy to speak with the parents as well, but I feel it is important to speak with the single themselves after each date to be sure that I am hearing...Read More

Question: I was recently asked to redd a shidduch to a boy of mediocre intellectual ability who insists that he needs a girl of pleasant appearance “with a degree.” He says that he wants to learn for three years and go to medical school or pursue a professional career.  I certainly don’t want to burst his bubble, but how do I...Read More

Question: I am involved in a shidduch where the couple has met five times.  The dates are going well, and the conversation seems to flow naturally, but the couple has not yet connected on an emotional level. What pointers can I give the boy–or the girl– to take it to the next level?  Answer: Creating and sustaining an emotional...Read More