Yated Shidduch Forum 6/3/22: I Am Getting Negative Feedback About My Résumé References. What Can I Do?
Question:
I am a single girl in shidduchim. Over my high school and seminary years, I made some very good, close friends. Boruch Hashem, most of them got married pretty quickly.
I know that life gets busy and unfortunately you lose touch. I won’t get into that aspect now of who’s at fault, but there are a few friends who I still have what do with, and obviously those are the ones on my résumé. At this point, these friends have been getting phone calls about me for several years. They have, on average, 2-4 kids and lead very busy lives.
I get feedback sometimes that my friends don’t pick up when people call for information, and I can imagine that after getting so many phone calls over the years, their exuberance when giving over information is beginning to wane. Even if they try, they are pretty tired from a full day at work, then spending the night taking care of their children. They are then tied up on the phone, answering the same questions very often, which gets difficult when it’s your only free time of your day, especially if you’ve forgotten how being in shidduchim feels and don’t realize how much the person on the other line reacts to your enthusiasm or lack thereof.
I get many suggestions, but not so many yeses. I wish to make mothers looking into girls aware of this, and receive any tips from the panelists on how to handle this situation – besides thanking my friends so, so much!
Thank you.