Yated Shidduch Forum 11/26/21: A Kinder Gentler Way to Redd Shidduchim?
Question:
To the esteemed panelists:
It is admirable and appreciated that so many people want to suggest shidduchim, but unless the shadchan is extremely close to the single, they would not know if the single is currently dating someone, just finished a difficult dating situation and needs a break, or for any other reason might not be open to suggestions at the moment.
To avoid putting singles in the awkward spot of having to explain, be evasive, or make excuses (which typically prompt shadchanim to respond with explanations as to why the shidduch is truly a good idea even if the single already said that it doesn’t sound appropriate for them), I find it extremely helpful when people open with a general question of, “Are you available for shidduch suggestions at this time?” and wait for an affirmative response before making any suggestions.
I also feel that there is an element of respect in asking if someone is interested in suggestions at the time, rather than assuming that she is free and available to any suggestion that comes her way. It is my hope that sharing this message will make this opening line more commonly used.
Your thoughts?
Yated Shidduch Forum 11/19/21: I’m Not Having Any Success as a Shadchan. Should I Just Quit Already?
Question:
I have been redding shidduchim in my spare time for well over a decade, amounting to hundreds of suggestions. I’ve yet to make a shidduch.
My husband keeps encouraging me to continue, because it’s a big zechus, and one day I’ll finally succeed, but I think I’m done. I feel that it’s kind of like if someone opens a suit store, and after twelve years, they haven’t sold one suit yet. It would be ludicrous for him to remain open. I don’t see a difference. Please advise.
Yated Shidduch Forum 11/5/21: What Information can be Disclosed When Receiving a Call About a Shidduch?
Question:
My son was recently redd a shidduch, and I called a friend of the girl, who answered all my questions. Then, at the end of the conversation, she said, “I am sure you know that one of the siblings has an emotional issue.”
What, as a parent, am I supposed to do with a comment like that? And how much, in your opinion, should it play a role in looking into the shidduch further?
[Interestingly, while I appreciated knowing as much information as possible, I almost resented that the girl shared this information without me even asking about it.]
What are your thoughts?