Yated Shidduch Forum 7/26/19: My Relative “Just Doesn’t See the Shidduch.” What Should I Do?
Question:
A shadchan thinks of a shidduch and suggests the idea to both sides. The boy’s side calls the references and gets very good information. The girl’s parents contact the boy’s references and they are pleased with what they hear. After several phone calls, the boy discovers that one of his relatives knows the girl and her family. The boy asks that relative for information. The relative thinks for a moment and says, “I just don’t see it. I don’t see it happening.”
The shadchan may also know both sides, but this relative knows the boy better. Should they go out?
Yated Shidduch Forum 7/19/19: Can I Tell People That I am Dating?
Question:
Who’s allowed to know when one is dating?
Assuming that a boy or girl should strive to have “minimal” research exposure regarding asking friends for info about others, how much can be shared about the dating process, such as asking an out-of-towner for info about a certain place, borrowing a gps/ties/games, notifying chavrusos/coworkers about one’s leave of absence, etc.?
Is there anything wrong with other people knowing that you’re dating? Is there a limit to how many people or in what regard? What are practical solutions to avoid the dilemma of giving fake excuses?
Yated Shidduch Forum 7/12/19: Can I be Guaranteed of a Blissful Marriage From The Start?
Question:
I was very disturbed by a sign that someone recently posted in the yeshiva where I learn. He wrote that he was recently married and, within the first week of sheva brachos, his wife was crying and he couldn’t figure out what he had done wrong. He goes on to write that after much money spent on therapists and going back to his chosson rebbi, etc., he was able to work things out, and he is thankful that he didn’t get divorced “like other newly married couples he had heard about.” He was writing to tell all those out there that are going through things that they’re not in it alone and that there’s ways to fix things up.
The fact that someone who had failed so miserably with his shalom bayis right from the start of his marriage was giving out advice on how to maintain a solid marriage seemed very ironic to me. But besides for that, it seemed faulty logic to me to allow himself to make a mistake with how to deal with his wife and to find out after he got married how to fix it up, when he could have learned all those tips before marriage and thus prevented such issues and then marriage could have been a lechatchilah situation, one of bliss and enjoyment, and not of resolving issues that were unnecessarily created.
Am I the one making a mistake here?
Yated Shidduch Forum 7/5/19: I Made My First Shidduch & I Can’t Stop Worrying About It. What Should I do?
Question:
Dear shadchanim,
I’m a young newlywed and I just made my first shidduch, boruch Hashem. It’s very exciting, but I have so much anxiety because I’m so nervous for it to work out. I feel like it’s on my head all day. Any advice? Is this normal?